Ever feel like your to-do list is running your life? We’re all guilty of overcommitting, filling our plates with activities and obligations that don't even bring us joy. Dr. Deon Metzger, board-certified psychiatrist, author, and media expert, gets it. She breaks down why we’re all so driven to say yes, and why learning to say no might just be the best mental health boost we can give ourselves.
2020 forced many of us to slow down, take stock, and reevaluate what’s really important. Between the pandemic, political unrest, and social justice movements, the stress was real. But it also gave us a gift—time to reflect. Dr. Metzger points out that this slow-down revealed just how much we were doing to please others, often at the expense of our own well-being. Sound familiar?
In her practice, Dr. Metzger encourages patients to take a closer look at their schedules and commitments. The results are eye-opening: when we list out our responsibilities, we often realize how many of them are draining us. And here’s the thing—it’s not about doing more, it’s about doing less of the things that don’t serve us. The pandemic has given us a rare opportunity to cross those unnecessary items off our lists and never look back.
Why is saying 'no' so hard, though? Dr. Metzger explains that it’s rooted in our desire to please others and avoid conflict. But constantly saying yes, especially when we don’t want to, leads to burnout. The solution? Stop overexplaining. You don’t need to justify your 'no'—just say it and let it be. Set boundaries, and watch as people start to respect them. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Women, in particular, struggle with this. Dr. Metzger notes that we’re often more susceptible to guilt trips, more likely to feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness. Men, on the other hand, seem to find it easier to say no without the emotional baggage. So, what’s stopping us? Maybe it’s time to embrace the power of 'no' and give ourselves permission to prioritize what truly matters.
Dr. Metzger leaves us with a final thought: stress isn’t going away. But we can do stress better. The key is to set firm boundaries—whether it's turning off work at a certain time, cutting down on unnecessary obligations, or simply giving ourselves the grace to say no. When we start respecting our own time and energy, we’ll be surprised at how much more fulfilling life becomes.
Now, here’s the fun part—time to make that happen!
- Take 10 minutes to write down your daily commitments. Look at what sparks joy and what drains you. Cross off one obligation that no longer serves you. (Yep, you can totally do that!)
- Practice saying 'no' this week—without the apology or explanation. Need some help? Try: 'I’m not available for that,' or 'That’s not going to work for me.' Short and sweet, just like that!
- Set a non-negotiable boundary: This could be no emails after 6 PM, or a hard stop on weekend work. Choose one thing that lets you reclaim a little more 'me time.'
Let’s make 'no' the new yes for your mental health and watch your energy soar!
